So, I was at a party recently. It was the first party that I had attended in a few years and I decided that I would try to mingle. It’s kinda cool. You get to meet people and listen to their stories which can be quite interesting. I recommend giving it a try next time you’re at a social event.


Eventually, my introvert side took hold and I staked out a place on the couch. Here is where I want to thank Millennials. It used to be that when you were at a party sitting by yourself you were kind of a dork. Now with a smartphone, you can just look intently at it and flip your finger up. You will look deep. So, thank you millennials everywhere for this innovative technique to avoid social disgrace. At one point, I turned to the lady beside me and asked what she was doing.


“Shazamming the music—and you?”




The party had a social mixing game where you got a random word and someone else at the party got the same random word. OK, so it’s not completely random. There was also a question you had to ask the person and once you found out the answer, you could report back to the hosts and be entered for a prize. If you went in depth for the answer you got a bonus entry. I managed to get a bonus when I asked my counterpart not only her city of origin but also her province. She was not so fortunate and was still arguing the point as I walked away to fill out my entry.


Of course, as luck would have it, I, the most introverted person on the planet, managed to win, not once, but twice as I found out later. I was now the proud owner of a craft beer and special glass from the local liquor store. So, later I had another challenge; that of transporting a glass and a live beer on the plane. Not as hard as it sounds. Just put the beer bottle in a sealable plastic bag, use lots of padding (dirty clothes) all around your treasures, and check it in your luggage. Also, make sure to check with your airline because things change and airport security is not the place to find out that what I just told you is no longer the policy.


As with all parties, there is usually some mishap and this one was no different. A big blonde got so excited that she pooped on the floor. I suspect that it was something to do with the game prizes. There were some outrageous battles at the party as the attendees demonstrated their competitive side by walking up to complete strangers and chatting. Anyway, I guess the big blonde couldn’t contain her excitement and had to let go, right there in the kitchen. It had to be embarrassing for her and she left a short time later, but to give the hosts credit they handled it well. No one said, “Bad dog,” or anything similar.


As a testament to how people can still have goofy fun without drinking, or getting high, I would like to submit the following story about our trip home. Two of us got out at Wendy’s to buy burgers and two of us drive to Starbucks for coffee. As it turns, out Wendys’ was closed inside and only open for the drive-thru so the two people who got out for burgers started to chase the car. I was driving and was concentrating on a rant about how a car had previously been on our tail, right behind us, and wasn’t that dangerous, and so annoying too, so I didn’t see anyone running after us. I slowed down for the speed bumps and, as I found out later, they almost caught up, but when they got close, I took off again as soon as I was over the speed bump. And, wouldn’t you know it Starbucks was closed so we had to go to another Starbucks. Fortunately, there was another Starbucks in that same mall, so we drove over there with the Wendys crew behind us. Before I got the coffees, I took a washroom break and when I came out my wife, who I had just dropped off at Wendy’s, was standing there.


Now, I’m a bit of a Sci-fi nut so I immediately thought that I might be in an alternate reality and wouldn’t that be cool? I was a bit spaced out by the party, so my second thought was that I made a mistake and brought her with me. Acting cool and calm I said, “What are you doing here?” in a caring manner.


“Wendy’s is closed. Only the drive-thru is open.”


So, now that I had a Starbucks expert on my side, we ordered our coffees and went to stand over at the barista station where everyone was staring intently at their phones. I guess they were practicing for a party. The music was pretty good there so maybe they were Shazamming. The barista said, “Hello” and I replied, “Hi,” as I noticed that he was geared up to talk to the drive-thru customers.


He said, “And hello to you too sir,” in that, still friendly, manner that customer service people have when they are dealing with someone who is altered or addled in some way.


One by one the barista called the names of the phone people and one by one they popped their heads up and donned that dreamy smile that all coffee customers get when they have been rewarded for their long wait. At long last, it was our turn and when I heard my name all conversation stopped as my countenance changed and a dreamy smile overtook me. We picked up our coffees and, brave souls that we were, ventured out into the cold, and drove home.